Thursday, July 31st, 1:32p.m.
Several hours after my last post, I came down with a horrible raging fever.
I spent several days ignoring my body and all the obvious signs and symptoms.
Hell no!, I thought. I can’t be sick. I have to stick it out in this trainyard, laying in trash and staying awake all night so I can make it to Kansas City.
But after 18 hours waiting for a ride, I finally realized I was really, actually, very sick. I didn’t really know what to do. It’s completely emotionally stressful to find your body incapacitated when it is usually the only thing you’re really relying on, and when you don’t really have a safe spot to be to heal. But Sweetheart reminded me that one of the good things about having a financial cushion is we can afford to take care of ourselves when we’re sick.
So we checked into a hotel. And now, after a couple days of sleeping all hours, watching Boy Meets World reruns, swallowing hella echinacea and drinking healing mushroom tea, my fever is gone and we have a bus ticket to our next show in Kansas City.
Meanwhile, Gaza is being bombed, the House is suing Obama for overreaching his power (because of healthcare, not because of drone strikes or mass surveillance or illegal assassinations), and lots of immigrant children are in internment camps at the border. Which I know thanks to the shitty cable news channels I watched at the hotel.
It’s hard not to feel anxious about wasting time when I’m bumming around the country and playing music, not actively fighting the serious oppression going on all around us, always. But I think emotionally traveling is like staying in a hotel when you’re sick. Fighting this shit all the time can make you really sick, spiritually and emotionally. If you don’t give yourself time to heal, your heart will eventually shut down and you won’t be able to keep going.
So here’s to embracing this time on the road, letting it heal the raw parts of my heart, made raw by seemingly endless injustice and loss, and building myself back up so I’m stronger the next time I commit to struggle. Our bodies and our hearts are all we have, and we have to keep them healthy if we want to change the world.